Pain if I do, pain if I don’t 

It’s been 11 years that I’ve had RA (rheumatoid arthritis) and I spent the first few years of it angry and depressed about it. Then…I catapulted into peri menopause 7 years ago. Well not only did that add to my depression and anger towards constant pain, I now wanted to punch throat anyone within hitting distance near me!

So this video is a clip I grabbed last week to show my team how I am working on my forward facing blocking. The first 2 days after that gym session I had good muscle pain, but then over the weekend the inflammation hit and again I found myself thinking I’m never gonna do that again. But I forgot, what I forget almost everyday…one of the main reasons I started and have stayed with derby. With my RA, I experience pain in most of my joints as if I’ve been in a car accident or my wrists, or shoulder, or rib is broken and that happens WHETHER I DO ANYTHING OR NOT.  In fact, my hands get flare ups the day after I fold laundry as if a car ran over them. Sooooo, when I started derby I realized that the hard hits and the bruises I got actually gave my mind strength and body a reason to hurt. I do have to watch flare ups and be mindful of when to get recovered but for the most part, RA hasn’t limited me but instead given me a reason to keep going cause the pain ain’t going nowhere. That brings me to why does God allow pain? That’s a loaded question and for today, I’ll keep it short. There is purpose in pain. Whether we like it or not, pain brings about more action then pleasure ever did. Pain is the signal that something isn’t right and something needs to happen now. It’s taken me 11 years to look at pain in a different way then just hating it. Without the pain of Jesus’s death on the cross, there would be no resurrection.  Without the pain of carrying my children and labor, there would be no birth. Without the pain of brokenness, there would be no healing. Some pain is completely uncalled for and unnecessary, such as RA-that for no apparent reason attacks a perfectly good joint. Unfair. But I choose to find what good can come from it and become stronger. And derby…wow has it shown me how to do that. Yep I’ve been hit for no apparent reason, fallen in pain and got back up. Determined to be on guard and not let those unfair hits take me out or off my game. I’m not gonna let RA do that either for this life given me. I’m sorry for those who also live with pain and I hope others find strength the way God has shown me. Because one day, the pain will be gone and I’ll dance the streets of gold…and definitely hip check a derby sister!

Here’s some BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH “BIBLE” stuff to work out on:)
“God , teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. Give me insight so I can do what you tell me— my whole life one long, obedient response. Guide me down the road of your commandments; I love traveling this freeway! Give me a bent for your words of wisdom, and not for piling up loot. Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets, invigorate me on the pilgrim way. Affirm your promises to me— promises made to all who fear you. Deflect the harsh words of my critics— but what you say is always so good. See how hungry I am for your counsel; preserve my life through your righteous ways!”

Psalm 119:33‭-‬40 MSG


One thought on “Pain if I do, pain if I don’t 

  1. There’s no pain that goes unnoticed by God…and why He allows it, is difficult to understand – but your sharing of your experiences will help someone to persevere


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